A prayer of thanks

Raul and Joe were best friends for years before Joe and Gioconda met.

Once she married Joe she became close to Raul's wife Janet. Although I don't think there was a final custody order after the divorce in regard "Raul and Janet" my impression was if there was an custody it would be joint.

Raul and Janet were neutral, which given I was the next "spouse" in Gioconda's life I figured, at the very least, if I met them they wouldn't call me a name or try to injure me in some way.

So this summer while we were in Iowa we met Janet and Raul in Iowa City, which is about 2 hours from where they live in Illinois.

This March they adopted a little girl. Sophia is almost exactly a month younger than our daughters.

Of course I loved them both- there were no threats of violence, they are kind and warm people, and it was as if I had known them forever.

Which means now I'm friends with my same sex spouse's deceased ex-husband's best friend.

We were looking at the pictures this weekend of that afternoon in Iowa City, and I couldn't help but wonder what Joe would think about it all.

Joe was born on 12/22/1953, which means he would have been 56 this year. It's close to his birthday and so I think about Joe and it makes me sad sometimes , sometimes I feels nothing- but most of the time I am just pissed...yet lately that has gotten better.

I was so angry for so long, angry about how he changed my life- all our lives - through his act. Angry because I didn't have a chance to vote on any of it -angry about what it did to everyone- that terrible wake, which I thought would drown us all.

But lately I have considered it a bit differently-although one can never be CERTAIN of events along the way, I can say with a high degree of confidence if Joe hadn't died I am not certain we would have done all we did to have babies...I am not certain we would have married- I'm not certain we would still even be together..but because of all we have gone through- that terrible wake- we have babies - we are married - and we are together-

It's cliche - but that what does not kill you- or tear you apart- will make you (collective you as well) stronger...and it has.

So this 12/22 I will say a little prayer of thanks...

Thanks for babies...thanks for a marriage and the family that has brought-

and thanks for Raul and Janet