My 10 year old self

There is a great Disney movie called "The Kid".

Bruce Willis plays this guy who due to some sort of cosmic event ends up meeting himself as a 10 year old.

There is a scene in which the "kid' finds out Bruce Willis doesn't have a dog and isn't married.

"You mean to tell me I'm 40 and I am not married and I don't have a dog?" he says.

Disappointed.

Today I was thinking -what if I could look at my life as a 10 year old.

I'm married- to a woman
I have lots of dogs...
and a big house
and two adorable babies...
And overall on my best day- I really don't work that hard

If given a just a glance at 10, I think I would be really happy- what I want to know is- so what about 36 years makes this not translate.

It like the stakes keep getting higher, and what used to be more than I could have ever hoped has become just life.

Every once in a while something will slap me into gratitude- like when I saw that unfortunate lady who was mauled by the chimp-I have my eye balls and thumbs- and I will - for a while- be grateful - grateful I don't have anyone in my orbit who keeps wild animals who might disfigure me.

Yet, it seems as though when your life has exceeded what you had hoped being thankful your face has not been eaten off seems somewhat ungrateful- which is something I personally want to be very careful about.

But still...there is a that gnawing feeling that I could have been, that I should have been, so much more.

I am relatively certain I could never be an astronaut, or a commodities broker. I would never want to have anything to do with the high fashion industry as I could never take clothes THAT seriously- along this same line- I couldn't be a chef - I could never take food THAT seriously- but I wouldn't rule out rock star - in spite the fact I have no musical ability- two words- Bob Dylan*

I'm 46 and so if I am going to be something amazing, it might be a good idea to get that rolling.

My Grandfather worked as a mechanic every day of his life until the day he retired, and I don't think he ever thought twice about it. It was just what he did- he didn't hate it or love it - he just did it. I don't think he thought about meeting his 10 year old self- or if he "should have been more"

What I don't know is- does that make him "unambitious" or me a malcontent?

There is still time for me to invent something, or discover something - or become a rock star-


*Bob Dylan is a terrible singer and awful musician.