Not Sad or Happy

So since I have been taking Paxil I find I begin to blog and get about 1/3 way through and then I stop. It is this point I tend to lose interest and the subject seems pointless and before I know a few months have past and I have not written about anything.

Generally I feel better when writing regularly. I find this particular drug has placed me somewhere in the middle of not happy nor sad. It feels like basic existence, somewhere in the middle of not good nor bad.

I'm not complaining. I don't have the moderate to severe anxiety I was suffering, so this is is relief. Although today I found myself thinking I really wasn't worrying over things I had legitimate reason to worry, translated I began to worry I wasn't worried enough. Just like my blogging as I processed the thought I lost interest about 1/3 of the way in, and then it was gone.

One thing I will say I do like about this emotional venue, is I don't have any real depth of pain.

In fact, presently I can only think of two events which could occur in my life in which I would be emotionally shattered, everything else seems psychologically doable.

Now I can see orphans in Haiti, and although I'm able to recognize it as tragic and terrible, I don't absorb it the way I used to. There is a bottom to sadness that didn't seem to exist to me before.

So I suppose this means the shattering events medicated, would be obliterating events non-medicated. I can count the loses I can't absorb on one hand, and in that I find comfort...yet those loses would be unimaginable. There are now people I simply can't live without...

I find I have now lost interest in this subject...but it didn't make me cry.