Fat and Then Thin

Tonight as I was shoving another pistachio down my pie hole I thought about getting fat.

Don't get me wrong, it wont deter me from eating, but now I think about gaining weight, and this is something I never- and I honestly mean never have contemplated.

About a year ago I lost about 30 pounds. I didn't try to lose the weight, it just happened. It was around this time the girls started walking and I found my anxiety level going up, and as a result I was eating less, and moving more.

Before I lost weight I didn't think I was fat, but now I realize I was. I have the opposite problem of an anorexic, instead of looking in the mirror and seeing myself as fat, I would look in the mirror and think I was thin...and I wasn't.

Honestly I don't think I look all that different, but everyone notices.

When people tell me I have lost weight I typically say the same thing, " Ya, I didn't know I was so pudgy."

And then they look at me - like- ya you sort of were....

So now I don't want to go back to the land of chub, but I just don't have it in me to do anything about it.

I know nothing about nutrition, and honestly- I don't want to know. I know I am a mother and I should be making sure my babies have a balanced diet, but I have decided this really isn't my job. I am the fun parent they will share skittles with.

What I know about fat content is that the more fat the better the flavor- and calories- what is that exactly?

I will put butter on buttered popcorn, I would eat ranch on an aspirin, to me a sweet tart is a fruit.

I have never been on a diet, and I can safely say I always-- and I do mean always eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

This is why I was fat.

And then I wasn't , and I didn't even try not to be. Although I would definitely be rich rather than skinny, being thin is way better than being fat.

It was after throwing a few handfuls of M & Ms in my mouth tonight I decided my weight loss was both a blessing and a curse

I now know what its like to be thin...but now I also know what it's like to be fat...