Just The Facts Please

I don't really have any childhood memories, and the memories I do have are not that great.

This isn't any sort of indictment against my parents, I wasn't abused or neglected. There were no alcoholic rages, I was never left in a hot vehicle with the windows slit, on the first day of school I always had new shoes and a fresh Peechee.

Sure I have recollection of my Grandpa taking walks with me to the beach, and there was that time my Grandma threw that snapping turtle in the ditch, but really other than a few isolated situations its pretty much a blank slate.

Gioconda has vivid recollections of almost every significant and non significant event in her life for the last 43 years.

She remembers the color and the style of the dress she wore when she "graduated" from pre school. Due to her ability to recall events of 38 years ago in living color she simply can't accept I don't share this ability.

Today we went to the Huntington Gardens.

"Have you been here before?" she asked.

Although I vaguely recall seeing the Pinkie and Blue Boy paintings, I may have dreamt it, or I may have seen recreations, I have no idea.

If I don't remember something, which is about 99% of the time, I will answer the same way in order to avoid further questioning on the subject.

"I'm unsure, I have a vague recollection of being here (doing that- seeing that). I don't know how old I was, who I was with, what I was wearing and/or if I had anything to eat and/or drink while I may or may have not been there."

I know it is a compound answer to a relatively simple question, yet I've found this to be a real time saver.

I'm actually used to it.

When I tell my mother something I frequently preface it with " I am now going to tell you everything I know about this situation." However, it doesn't dissuade from making a further inquiry.

Example:

JODY: I was late to court today because someone parked their car in front of our driveway. I had to have it towed.

MY MOTHER: Who did that?

JODY: I don't know.

MY MOTHER: Was it a neighbor? Or maybe a friend of a visiting a neighbor.

JODY: Couldn't tell you.

MY MOTHER: Maybe they didn't know it was a driveway, or they got confused somehow.

JODY: Not sure.

MY MOTHER: Why would they park in your driveway?

JODY: I'm sure it was a conspiracy to keep me from getting to court on time to throw me off my game and give my opponent the advantage.

MY MOTHER: Really? You think someone would go to that trouble? Who do you think would do that?

You can see where this is going. Its endless.

I'm a strictly concise facts person.

Q: "Have you been to Berlin?"
A: "Yes"

All I need to know. I don't need dates or the name of the hotel you stayed at, I don't need to know what you ate or if your flight was delayed.

I know it might sound abrupt, but all the information is just going into the sieve in my head and get lost along with who I sat next to in second grade.