Fat and Lonely

My Grandmother hated fat people and people with poor oral hygiene.

I don’t hate fat people, but I do have admit I have issues with poor oral hygiene. I would live in my car if my teeth were fucked up and I had to pay to fix them. I would ride a bike and not own a car if it meant fixing my teeth.

At my elementary school there was always a few kids with a metal cap or even worse a brown dead tooth right in front. I always feared somehow I would have a dental mishap and end up with a disfiguring tooth injury. It was one of my two goals in elementary school, don’t ever be the kid with the fucked up front tooth, and since every year one kid in my class barfed I willed myself to never be that kid…lofty goals, yet I was successful.

I was so completely paranoid about my teeth I wore a dental guard when I rode my skateboard, keeping in mind I was in third grade, so this has been an obsession since I had teeth.

Thankfully I currently don’t have a dental issue(s), but I’m fairly certain I’m getting fat. I think I look a little better in the face, but the ass and middle, not so much.

This is a good reason to not own a full length mirror, at some point I might have to look at my body naked, and I really don’t want to do that…the house I lived in before this house was a real fuck pad- a Jacuzzi in the bedroom- and the master bathroom was completely mirrored, so I would be looking at my self sitting on the toilet or get a glance of that terrible tattoo on my lower back, or a one of the many divots in my thighs, it was always unsettling.

I don’t have a full length mirror, a scale or an alarm lock in my little house, and I don’t miss any of it- like I don’t miss facebook- when its there you feel compelled to look…its that and the fact I have become a social isolate so I’m not so concerned with “social networking”- or really any activity which includes the words “networking” or “social” in its description.

So I’m fat and lonely.

Today I took the girls to visit my mom and one of our typical activities it to go to Wal-Mart.

I spent $113.76 and I purchased the following items;

1. 10 drinking cups for the girls (I know 10 seems like a lot but these don’t leak, and these things disappear out of the house like socks…)
2. A forty pound bag of dog food
3. 2 sets of Dora the Explorer pj's
4. Pine Sol (Mountain Fresh scent)
5. Candy, cookies, snacks including nuts, and 3 six packs of regular soda (Root Beer, Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper)

So here’s the problem, the non edible items, which for me includes the Pine Sol, could not have been more than 52.65 (ok that’s an exact figure) of the total- that means the remaining 61.11 was spent on food, more specifically food without any real nutritional value- food with sugar, sodium and saturated fats-..actually upon reflection to call what I bought food is an insult to food- what I really bought was a variety of chemical conglomerations rich in flavor.

Last night after pounding back a few handfuls of M & M's I panicked...I will have to remember to brush my teeth....