50/50

Fortunately for my unfortunate situation Gioconda and I are sharing the custody of the girls 50/50. The thing is there are two of them, and so although it would seem it would make it 50% easier having another person it actually makes it 78% easier to take care of them with another person.

So, with me there is a learning curve.

My goal at the beginning was to keep them alive while in my care, yet at this point I have upgraded to keeping them alive, and not permanently disfigured ( which includes amputations) while under my care.

As of today I'm at 100%, I'm not going to get cocky.

While playing with them outside today I noticed Sadie has a jaw breaker in her mouth, and then I thought - I didn't give her a jaw breaker- and then I thought I wouldn't give her a jaw breaker. The subsequent mouth sweep revealed a pebble the perfect diameter of a two year old's trachea.

So this is now rolling around my head, what if she swallowed it how could I dislodge it from her throat...what if I put my finger down to get it and pushed it further back...what if I didn't see it and I turn the corner and there she is unable to breath...and by the end of the day it might as well have happened because I have played out every disastrous result in my head

In order to get my head around it I have characterized these situations as follows;

The exacta; disgusting boxed with potentially life threatening-the trifecta; disgusting, with life threatening boxed with your fault - and God help me - the superfecta; disgusting, life threatening, your fault and legal consequence.

Please note arguably "your fault" could always be factored into any scenario, so I have come to just accept liability for those acts in which I am actively negligent - example giving Sadie an electric sander to play with as opposed to accidentally leaving a steak knife on the high chair tray.

Two years ago I heard on the news about a two year old killed when the family's pet boa constrictor got out of his cage and into the little girls crib. I am haunted by this, and to the best of my knowledge there are no loose or caged boa constrictors in the house and we live no where near a swamp, yet I find I am actually fearful of this happening.

"Your Grandfather was almost killed by a sow when he was a toddler," my mother said when I told her about my fear of having one of the girls crushed by a snake.

She has told me the entire story, although I have no recollection of the details other than he wasn't killed.

Sure I have pigs, and yes they have pistol whipped me once...which turned out to be a huge misunderstanding which we ended up laughing about when I got back from the ER, yet still how can you compare the two...