Faith

I've been thinking about religion a great deal lately.

Since the birth of the girls I had committed myself to finding a "religion" (for lack of a better word) in which the girls could be raised.

I mean, its pretty easy to eliminate, I am left with a total of maybe 6 when you count Scientology and other cults- are the Moonies still around or those guys that used to be at the airport wearing gaze and playing tambourines, that scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Nether of us is Jewish, or Muslim so there go that...

Gioconda had raised the boys Catholic, and for obvious reasons, we will not be raising the girls Catholic (unless we can get a really good deal on a terrific private school).

I would really like to be a Buddhist, but I am way to angry, resentful and petty.

My family is Presbyterian, whatever that means. My whole hang up is the whole Christ as God's son thing. The way I understand it you pretty much have to buy this entire concept if you are Christian, so I am thinking I'm not a Christian.

I so want to believe, and I have really tried, but no matter how hard I try I just can't get my head around it. It could also be that so many Christians fucking hate Gay people and it is difficult to reconcile being a member of that group. I tend to think its more of the former, because there are also many Christians who love and accept all people.

So I'm left with is, I just don't think Christ was the Son of God...there I have said it.

A friend of ours told us she was raising her children within a religion because she didn't want to leave that space. I think she's right.

Down the road is a terrific Episcopal Church, and I think that is ultimately where we will land, yet it feels insincere.

I have a tattoo on my right ankle of a Chinese Character. Gioconda used to tease me about it.

" That character says Stupid White Girl," she would say.

I got it right after law school in 1992- the character- Faith.