Don't Know Dick about Dick

I just read Jon Gosslin's ex-girlfriend claims he has a very small wiener.

I have no idea why I love this revelation, but I really do. I am, by no means, the arbiter of peens, or really anything male for that matter. Ironically, I was just telling Dylan today, if I was a guy and had the choice to have a small penis but have a ton of money, or a big penis and be broke, I would choose the former.

Dylan said he would rather be broke and have a average wiener, than be rich and have a small wiener.

"If you have a small one it will effect every aspect of your life," he said. I tend to believe him, it made sense on some level to me.

I have always thought any man who drives a Corvett has a small penis, although there it no empirical evidence to support this assertion.

Putting aside the (arguably) inappropriate nature of the comment to Dylan, I can't help but wonder, as a person who has no real interest in the male genitalia, why do would I even contemplate the importance of a big vs. small peenie?

The answer came to me in the form of The Housewives of Orange County.

At one of their gatherings, (which all involve massive consumption of alcohol follow by a wicked cat fight), one of the "housewives" claimed her husband was "hung like a horse".

I have no recollection of ever discussing my sexual partners private areas with anyone. Sure, along the way there were some "situations" I may have discussed after consumption of one too many beers at dollar draft night at Club Broadway, yet generally, not so into talking about vagina sizes with anyone.

Yet still, I find myself considering what would be more important to me as a man. There is a really nice attorney I see at court every once in a while and a woman whom he was dating informed me his penis was the size of her pinky.

"Is that small?," I asked.

"Very," she replied.

Now every time I see him I think of his substandard dick. Its completely locked in my brain, I try to forget about it and it becomes worse. Why do women talk about this stuff?

It just causes others to have to contemplate things they really have no desire to contemplate.

Its nothing less than a cultural preoccupation. My spam mail is chalked full of ads to increase my penis size.

In the end, I would still rather have a ton of money and a small peen....but I would never drive a Corvett.