"Most of the time you have at least one, maybe two funny things, but lately...not so much," she said.
Not so funny...really?
Maybe its because I read my statement from Smith Barney yesterday and I had some money in the market and now- well, "not so much"...but then again, I always have my properties...oh ya, property isn't worth anything either...or maybe I remembered that the State is going to give me a voucher instead of a refund this year- but I still have to pay my property tax based on the price I paid for the house AT THE TOP OF THE MARKET...or I'll think about he cost of private schools for (not one but two) pending children, which literally gives me a brain freeze.
None of this stuff bugs Gioconda, she always thinks everything is going to work out- and mostly it does- but still I simply don't trust her optimism.
In May while Gioconda and the boys were in Hawaii (and I stayed at home-- it just works better that way for everyone) I went (by myself, in the middle of a business day) to the San Manuel casino.
I played a progressive machine, and the jackpot was over 3 million. In order to win the progressive jack pot the wild symbol had on the first line which was 6 across. So it spins and the first line-1-wild 2-wild 3-wild 4-wild 5- wild --the last reel still spinning - and then- not wild.
So although this may not be accurate, it felt like I almost won 3 million-- but I didn't- instead I won $243.00, which is not really even a consolation prize...in fact I found it almost insulting.
The problem is - I can't get this out of my head. This happened last May and STILL I think about it every few days. I mean, its gotten better...the first week it was waking me up at night...like a sudden pain in my side...and I think it made me throw up once, but over time its gotten less - but its still there. Now it just creeps up on me, when I see a commercial for a terrific vacation destination, or I am doing something I really especially hate- which is more frequent than you can imagine...that's when it gets me...a little water torture.
As Gioconda points out to me, we are very fortunate, we certainly have more than most, we are able to meet our obligations..BUT STILL 3 million would have been pretty fucking nice.
When I worked at Liberty Mutual a group of people who worked in the same building - on the same floor won the lottery together- and then I knew I would never win- I mean what is the statical probability of winning the lottery to begin with, then factor in the probability of two people in the same building ON THE SAME floor winning the lottery- it is virtually impossible- but I accepted it and have lived with this harsh reality for over 10 years now...but this...so close..but not even close...this has haunted me.
So, over all...the fact that I have been funny a couple of times since May of 2008, in spite of this profound disappointment...I would call that a significant accomplishment.
No comments:
Post a Comment