To Gioconda's credit, she didn't immediately laugh hysterically as she normally would- as I had Camille strapped to the front of me and I think she had a degree of concern for the baby, but once she discovered Camille was unharmed she laughed her ass off...to the point she was crying- literally.
It's really a bad combination, me who falls frequently- and she who would laugh even if I fell under a circular saw and sliced off a limb. The degree of damage has no bearing on her, if you fall, even if you have a disfiguring scar as result, she will laugh.
Gioconda's been taking a lot of pictures lately, and I have noticed I look really old, so although I hail from a family of people who fall- most specifically, my mother- my tumble at REI was the perfect storm of my genetic predisposition, my age, my weight- and add a 16 lbs baby riding on the front of my body, wrecking further havoc on my instability - before I knew it I had fallen- and I couldn't get up.
My first thought was Fred Murphy's* mother. When I was in the second grade Fred Murphy's father took a hammer and hit Fred's mother in the head- killing her. Fred Murphy's mother was over weight and matronly. Once when we were in kindergarten class I saw her trip and catch herself just as she was going down.
In my second grade mind, her death somehow was mitigated by her appearance, and her inability to remain up right during a simple walk across the playground.
Doing the math, it would appear as though I now have quite a bit in common with Fred Murphy's mother- old, fat and clumsy. I am hopeful to not have the same demise, I tend to keep sharp and heavy objects out of the locations in which I might be sleeping or at rest to avoid a sneak attack-I'm on my toes, which I am guessing she wasn't.
My question- when did I become this person? This may somehow be connected to my recently becoming a parent- yet I am simply unable to pin point a date and time.
"The worse part is it was at REI. Everyone who shops there is into the outdoors, or at the very least athletic," Gioconda said on the ride home.
"I mean, those people are climbing boulders, backpacking on trails, cross country skiing...," she continued.
"I got it," I replied.
It was not enough I was internally comparing myself to Fred Murphy's dead (fat,clumsy) mother, I also had to negotiate the fact I essentially tipped over, rolling to the left and then to the right before I was able to right myself with the help of Gioconda, in front of a bunch of skinny coordinated assholes.
*although the story of Fred Murphy's mother is completely true the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
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