It would have been nice to know

I know it seems as though I am obsessed with bodily functions, but in the last 24 hours events have occurred that was so completely disgusting there is absolutely no way I can keep it to myself.

Sadie, the smaller twin is really good at burping, her bigger sister, Camille, is not so good.

Last night I was feeding both babies.  Sadie burped as if she had just taken a swig from beer bong,  Camille, nothing.  We were all three sitting peacefully when Camille's dinner began to pour out of her face.

It was if someone had turned on a facet.  It was in my hair, in Sadie's ears, and Pinnter got a drip in his eye, which he now claims has left him without peripheral vision.  Let me be clear, this was not merely vomit.  This was her face rejecting the formula, and projecting it  back at us.  The most amazing part was that after this occurrence, she yawned and closed her eyes- like it was just a normal thing to have liquid spill like a hydrant out every opening from your neck up.

I had just gotten the image out of the fore front of my thoughts, please note, I had just come to the point I was not dwelling on the event,  I had gotten to the point it was only every third thought when something something even more disgusting happened tonight.

Sadie was perched on my shoulder, her mouth very close to mine when she let out a strong and loud burp.  Due to the proximately of our mouths, and the power behind the blast it was literally as if she belched in my mouth- which happened to be open at the moment she let it fly.

I know, she is a baby, and I know she is my baby- still- to have someone burp in your open mouth is a sobering event.  Just as I feel my gag reflex begin, she spits a mouth full of formula which covers the right side of my face...and yes, because I had not learned from having her burp in my mouth, my mouth was open- so she threw up in my mouth.

I was told about the sleeplessness and fatigue, but no one ever warned me to keep my mouth shut as there are things which fly out of their mouths- which given the right trajectory- could end up in mine.

It's these precious moments I will never forget...

Maggot Water

Gioconda has been telling me all day that there was an odd smell in the house.

With the dogs,  cats, teenagers, and babies anything is possible, so I begin my list 

"Is is poop or pee, some kind of dead or dying animal.  Is it rotting flesh?" I asked  

She shook her head

"Is it molding food, or a backed up drain, does it smell like a hair ball?" by this time I am racking my brain for disgusting odors.

"No, I can't pin point it, but I think it smells like maggot water," she replied.

Maggot water is not something I would have guessed, and although I had a vague idea of what she meant, it wasn't until I actually got a whiff I completely understood.

Apparently, the Yorkie needed hair product and determined maggot water would be the best choice.  After seven rinse and repeats, the smell was dissipated.  Although Gioconda and I had an extensive conversation about the source of the maggot water, and how the Yorkie was able to find the maggot water, in the end it is a mystery we will never solve, and at some point we both accepted this reality.

I'm not sure maggots live in water, yet even with this doubt in my mind I entertained about three hours of conversation about maggot water.  Keeping in mind before we agreed on the maggot water on the back of the Yorkie,  we spent the entire afternoon trying to find the offending odor.

When I was young and imagined the life I would lead, spending a Sunday trying to locate the source of a really foul scent never factored into my scenarios.  

Granted  most of us don't necessarily live the lives we imagined at 19, yet objectively, a disproportionate amount of my time is spent on down right repugnant activities.

I calculate 1/3 of my time is spent in cleaning up poop.  Pig poop, dog poop, rabbit poop and now I am dealing with baby poop.   

Poop has become an intricate part of my existence, and I can't help but wonder, how did I get here?  Where was the turning point, when did my life take this curve?

I suppose it is living with children and animals, yet I never considered the possibility I would be so involved with the bodily functions of others. 

So todays search for the odor culprit was actually a nice change of pace.

Babies vs Children

This week we were at the pediatrician's office and I watched a little boy of about 3 or 4 years old run around the waiting room.  

After he and his mom left, I told Gioconda it must be tough for his parents to have such a hyperactive child.

"He's perfectly normal.  In fact, he's a bit on the mellow side," she replied.

I have just been thinking that this baby thing wasn't as tough as I thought it was going to be, but I forgot about the part of them growing.

I recently read about this family who has a little girl who has some brain disorder which has caused her to remain as a baby over the last 5 years.   As a result of this rare condition the little girl lays on a pillow all day, unable to have any meaningful interaction.  At the time I heard of the situation, I thought it horrible, I am now rethinking my initial opinion.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want my daughters to have anything but a full and complete life, yet lately I have been thinking this might be able to be accomplished within the confines of a crib.

With the internet, and  abilities to simulate life experiences through a computer programs there really is no reason to even learn to walk, and subsequently throw my Russian box collection on the ground.  

I am not suggesting we hobble them, but was thinking we could put really heavy shoes on their feet so they couldn't lift their little legs to run with abandonment through the house.

In the end it would save money on all that "child proofing" we would not longer need.

The Kaiser T-Shirt

When my nephew Parker was born I took his older brothers into the room to meet him moments after his arrival.

Drew, who was about 4 at the time, looked at Parker in the isolet crying, kicking his legs, and waiving his arms  and asked," Is he mean?"

As it would turn out, Parker was not mean, yet objectively, it was a good question.

When our babies are not sleeping they are either crying, or looking like they are just getting ready to cry.  Although it would be frustrating to have absolutely no control over any element of your existence, how do they even know?  There is no point of reference, so really, what is there to be crying about?

If I was a baby, I would only cry when my diaper was dirty or when I was hungry, the rest of the time I would just enjoy the lack of any significant responsibility.

For me the best part of having a baby so far has been giving them a bath.

Babies are like cats in water.  Sadie throws her arms in the air and extends her hands, I call it her praising Jesus position.   In fairness, she clearly doesn't enjoy bathing at this point, but this is mitigated by the pleasure I obtain in watching her sprawl her entire body, both arms and legs hyper extended.  Its a little bit like when Pinnter gets really upset and growls and shows me all his teeth, it feels really wrong to enjoy it, but I always do.

Our babies have lots of clothes, and this has already become a point of contention.  All of the outfits seem uncomfortable to me, so my default is the Kaiser t-shirt they each got at the time of their birth.   

It is easy, it doesn't even have the snap buttons on the bottom.   Suitable for any time of day or night, and when you are a baby, there really isn't much difference.  About every 4 hours you eat, get a diaper change and then go back to sleep, so why get dressed?

To me, it seems as though this is the best part of being a baby.  You can be a slob and no one cares, why not enjoy it while you have the opportunity.

"You want the girls to dress like you, " Gioconda said the other day.

PJ bottoms are an intricate part of my wardrobe, and if I was a baby I would certainly be hanging out in my diaper and t-shirt.  Gioconda will dress up to clean out the garage, she never, and I mean never, wears sensible shoes, even while doing yard work, so in my opinion she is not the arbiter of what is or is not comfortable for the life of a baby, which primarily consists of lounging.

The girls are 16 days today and have worn the Kaiser t-shirt at least 4 days, that is 1/4 of their lives so far-- they are definitely on the right track.

Coming and Leaving

Both of the babies are now home, and we are now adjusting to this new life.

One week to the day of their coming our friend Ray left.

It was Tuesday morning I found out he was gone.  I was up early, upset about Camille still in the NICU, wanting her to come home, questioning the care she was being given.  I had cried about it the night before, feeling as though I hadn't done enough for her, and not knowing what enough meant.

It was cold and dark in the house, I had let the dogs out, and as I walked up the stairs I heard Gioconda crying.

My thought was she was upset about Camille still in the hospital, and the pit in my gut went to my throat.

"Ray died last night," she said.

And even though I knew he was really sick, it buckled my knees, because in my heart I never thought his death was even possible.

I lived through AIDS in my community in the late 80's and 90's and when I have known people who were ill and died, I took comfort in the fact they were no longer suffering, but with Ray,  I simply can't feel that way, because he should never have been sick in the first place, and that isn't to say any of the other people I knew should have been sick...

I just can't get my head around Ray dying.   Somehow its different.

Camille was released on Thursday, she is now with us- thriving.

Tonight with the week behind me, I am unequivocally thankful.

I am thankful for this family, for their health and well being.  I am thankful we are here together, with all our flaws and strengths.

I am thankful for Ray- thankful I knew him.  

Thankful for the angel my daughters now have on their shoulders...

And tonight my prayers will be with those who will now negotiate an existence without Ray in it...adjusting to this new life.

No mistakes ...yet

The babies are now over 24 hours old, and as far as I know neither has made a mistake. And I am not just saying this as their mother, objectively, neither one has really done anything significantly wrong.

The bigger baby, Camille is still in the NICU as she is needing oxygen,  and although technically she could be blamed for this inadequacy, I'm giving her a pass, as she didn't travel through the birth canal to get her lungs rung out.  So although I haven't observed her as much as her sister, the smaller baby Sadie who was kicked out of the NICU today, I remain somewhat confident she hasn't done anything I could categorize as a mistake.

During the course of about 7 hours today I changed 5 of Sadie's diapers.  To call what was inside the diapers poop is an insult to poop.  A mixture of green slime and mud with the consistency of paste, I have been informed this is a very good sign.  I am placing the passing of this mystery substance into Sadie's accomplishment column.  Thus, although the ass sludge may appear to some to be a horrible error on her part, it is if fact, a cause for celebration.

Unfortunately, Camille doesn't have anything in her accomplishment column yet, but in mitigation, she has not really left her isolet, so she simply has not had the opportunities her sister has enjoyed.  I am not playing favorites here, I am just calling it as I see it.  

Today I did change Camille's diaper, and just as I took it off she peed on her bedding.  Again, I have been told the act of peeing is positive; however, although the peeing was a favorable activity, she did it on her blanket, thus it has to be considered a wash-a neutral event. 

I don't make the rules, and I understand this may seem harsh, yet just because a person is a baby is simply not enough to carry the day, there still has to be some standards which apply.

I have had this same program with the dogs for years.  As can be imagined, most had more items in the mistake column, that was until Pinnter hacked into the program and changed everyones standing.  

Although this may be a challenge,  I have committed to it, and plan on using a back up for the data.