Jury Duty

It been a really long time since I have felt remotely interesting.

I like to entertain the notion that at one point in my life, I may have been interesting, but there is a strong possibility (probability) this may be just wishful thinking.

Gioconda has heard the stories I have that are worth repeating...once when I was drunk I sat on a curb that was just painted blue and I was wearing white shorts...one time I got kicked out of a bar for fighting...another time I was trying on shoes on La Brea and Diane Keaton spoke to me...its when I actually put down in writing these events I though made me interesting  that I come to the sobering reality...Im not.

My mom had jury duty today and was actually impaneled on a case.  When I told Gioconda about it she asked me if I was ever on a jury, and I realized this was a story she hadn't heard, because in 1992 I was a juror.

The details of the case and the fact I was actually a alternate juror didn't matter, what was really important was this was something relatively interesting that I had failed to report.

It got me thinking, what other little pearls in my past have I overlooked.

I have already talked too much about when I had a 29 inch waist (September 1995),  or the myriad of barf stories I have as a result of my tenure as a sweeper at Disneyland, yet I continued to rack my brain.  If being an alternate juror in 1992 had escaped me, what else could I have forgotten?

Now that I am sleeping approximately 20-25 LESS hours a week thinking about what I may have forgotten that could potentially make me more interesting is fatiguing, a few days ago I had almost gotten to my car before realizing I didn't have shoes on my feet, at this point I am lucky to remember where I put my glasses...I simply don't have the energy to do the reflective thinking needed in order to shore up other forgotten events.

So it was a fluke, my remembering...yet I continue to bask in the glow  

Bridezilla

Gioconda has been watching a show called Bridezilla.  Although I find it repugnant, I've also been sucked in.  For me, that is the problem with reality programing, I tend to get absorbed.

Bridezilla follows difficult women just prior to their weddings, documenting the abuse they spew on their mates, family, friends and vendors.

The women are so horrible, I can't imagine it isn't staged, but I keep thinking... what if its not...?

I have dated my share of difficult women, as I have found in general, women who are not difficult tend to be uninteresting, yet the the women in this show are mean, hateful, white trash ugly hog women.  Even in my most desperate of days, I would not have touched any of them with a folk.

Granted life doesn't always work out exactly they way you may have imagined, yet to have a fist fight with your maid of honor, who happens to be a dwarf, minutes before you exchange vows,  is just something I never contemplated.  

I'm not sure what is more depressing, that Bridezilla's exist - or that there are enough people who are interested in their antics to merit a show...and that I am now one of those people.

Granted, weddings are stressful, yet when you find yourself threatening your intended with a 6 inch buck knife in a conflict over the color of the printing on reception napkins, it may be time to ditch the wedding plans and just obtain the inevitable restraining order.

One of the challenges I have found as a viewer with the Bridezilla show is most the women share physical characteristics. Unfortunate tattoos,  hair which should not be exposed to open flame, and a full figured frame, as a result all the shows just meld into one big Bridezilla...

I have gone three days without watching, and I know, its one day at a time, but I am committed to weaning myself from it...I just have to stay away from Dancing with the Stars...

 

Nebraska

Let me start this by saying its not that I don't love my babies.

With that being out of the way, I am shocked that more infants are not abandoned by their parents.  Its the combination of sleep deprivation and utterly unrewarded unacknowledged sacrifice of your entire existence in sustaining the life of another...another who has the personality and abilities of a brine shrimp.

Tonight I took care of both babies by myself, which as unbelievable as it may seem, I am actually capable of doing.  Unfortunately I had some work that needed to be completed tonight.  So...between changing, feeding , crying for no apparent reason, and fighting off the urge to lay on the floor in a fetal position, I did complete my task, which took me an twice the amount of time it would have taken me six weeks ago.

There is no reasoning with babies.

"Let Mommy finish this so I can pay the umbrella policy on the house."

Nothing.

"We have to start thinking about college, and that means money."

Even when it applies to them directly, nothing.

Still, they are very cute, and although it would be fantastic to sleep six uninterrupted consecutive hours , over all, it hasn't been horrible.

This summer the state of Nebraska enacted a safe haven law.  The law was intended to combat the abandonment of infants in places like trash bins, unfortunately, the law was not specific enough.

As a result, parents traveled to Nebraska from as far as California to leave their children at a hospital in Nebraska without the fear of legal prosecution.  The majority of children left in the state under this safe haven law were teenagers.  To the best of my knowledge, the intended beneficiaries of the law, babies, were never left.

Of the four teenagers I have lived with, I would have traveled to Nebraska with all four at different points in time.  This may be the reason they all avoid getting into a car with me.

In spite of the fact the babies have no concept of what their care involves, and it is a thankless gig, I can't imagine my life without them, in truth,  I can't remember a life without them as the center.

Sometimes I stare at my babies and wonder what they will be like, if they will someday steal my car, or lift a few twenties from my wallet.  I know its an odd thought, but what I know- or I think I know- is that even if this happens, I'm just not sure it will really even matter.

So it appears we won't be making any trips to Nebraska any time soon-- any of us.